heart with hands(Para espanol cliq aqui) I want to send huge amounts of love to my family and friends today as they pay their final respects to Ana. This is something no one wants to have to do, especially when its someone so young. I know all too well what it feels like to walk into that church for the reasons you will be walking into it, and that part of you will want to turn right back around, as if that will make it somehow less real, but I also know she will be with you and that nothing will make her heart happier than all of you, the people she loves, the people that reflect all the many sides of her, coming together and sharing with one another. Use this day as your gift to connect deeper with Ana by opening your hearts to each other, and allow the experience of that to help you heal.

To Lucas and my nephews, Ana’s parents, her sisters and brothers, I also wanted to remind you to be gentle and be kind with yourself these next couple years as you transition from having Ana physically present in your life to being present solely in your heart. The one thing I know for sure at this point in my life is that grieving is not so much something you do, it’s more something that does you. You can be fine one minute and then out of nowhere it comes in and grabs you like a boss and takes you right down. Its like a visitor that sets up camp in your life and starts making the rules about when it wants to come and go.

The only thing I have found that makes it any better is not to resist it. To just let it flow. If you feel sad one day, then just be sad. If you feel angry and cheated one day, be angry and cheated. If you feel happy one day for no reason whatsoever, don’t feel guilty about it, be as happy as you can be, because that sad day might roll right back around again tomorrow. Be whatever you need to be and then one day, gradually, day by day, the pain will get less and the good memories will get stronger and all you will be left with is the love and blessings she has given you.

Sending giant healing hugs.

Holly

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