That’s what one of my Dad’s always says when it comes to computer’s automatically correcting things for us just when we need them to with no prompting or assistance from us. He looks at the computer in his silly and mock bewildered way and says “how do it know?” and it cracks me up every time.
But this time when I quote him I am referring to the many of you that out of the blue this week just decided randomly to tell me how much I have helped or inspired you, or how proud you are of me, or sent me encouragement to keep on going. None of you knew I was having one of those hard weeks, the ones artists inevitably have when they are pushing themselves to grow past their biggest fears, those weeks that are filled with the “what am I crazy? I really think I am going to have a career in Hollywood?” kind of self-doubts, but yet there you all were, randomly, giving me just the right encouragement or message I needed to hear at the moment I needed to hear it and I just have to say “however it know….I am thankful.” Sooo thankful to all of you.
There’s no need to worry. My challenges are of my own doing and I know it. I have decided that this is the year that I push through what I consider one of the biggies in any artists’ journey, the year where my art (which in my case is the writing and acting) becomes my sole source of financial support. A year like Renee Zellwegger had when she still needed to borrow quarters just to do her laundry the first week of shooting Jerry Maguire and then bam that first paycheck finally came in and she never had to borrow quarters again (true story).
But I know that in order for that to happen I have to tackle this fear of sales thing. I love creating, I love studying, I love performing but when it comes time to sell myself as any of these things to anyone who is in a position to really do something about it I suddenly turn into this bashful, dorky shell of myself that seems to forget all that I can bring and is just kinda like “Hi, sorry to bother you but I have some things you might want to look at if you have time but I know you’re probably busy so don’t worry about it I’ll just be here if you need me.” What???? Who is ever going to pay attention to me with that attitude?? Especially here in Hollywood. I know it is a problem and yet I still do it, it feels uncontrollable, nutty, like a phobia, a sales phobia and it has been going on for far too long.
The good news is this year I come packing heavy artillery. I’ve got all of you that are not going to let me back away from this battle (right?), I’ve got Diego who is definitely not going to let this silliness continue, and I’ve got an amazing coach who’s watching me like a hawk so there is no way I am going another year without tackling this beast. But like I said I could use all the encouragement I could get because this is definitely my big scary one.
In fact, if any of you have any advice for me about how you would sell me to an agent/manager/producer type, what attributes I have that you think are most worth selling or just sales or marketing advice in general now is your chance. I would love to hear them. And thanks again for all the love and support! It truly means the world to me.